..when Heaven became Hell..

"LR23 is my Heaven.. and a day without them is blah!"
"I remember falling in love with 37 people at once.."
"I have found at least 37 people who complete my life right now.."

Back in those days, I admitted I was happy with where I was.. I confessed to the whole world that my block, LR23 (a combination of the Literature & Philippine Mass Media students) was the best there ever was!! After all, during the start of the First Term, we were as close as anyone can imagine-- we were one, we were bound. We had those times (and even those unforgettable drinking sessions at The Venue) when we felt as if we were pieces of a puzzle that fell into place.. When Shiftee still wasn't my boyfriend, I used to tell him how much fun I had with my blockmates -- or if not, my block as a whole. And then he goes: "that's just normal.. first term pa lang yan.. Things will eventually change come the Second Term." I laughed and shrugged it off. "That won't happen to my block. We're as close as one can imagine .. I'm betting your ass I'm going to prove you wrong."

But he was right.

Things started to crumble during the latter part of the First Term when we had one of those Unforgettable drinking sessions at the Venue. That was when all the chaos erupted -- which eventually turned my Utopia into an inevitable Dystopia.

People started drinking their asses off because of trivial reasons, fights started to erupt because of nonsensical Love Triangles and I had friends coming to me crying because their emotions got out-of-hand. There were conflicts that erupted all because of building relationships within the four walls of our classrooms. MY GOLLY! These were scenes from nightmares I only thought would exist in the silver-screen. And that was only the beginning of it all.

More tension ensued when my two friends got together -- i have written about them in a past entry. And I just hate it when trash is being talked about my friends. I realize that my guy friend is quite a catch, but the least people can give him is some slack and realize that he's happy where he is right now. The same goes to my girl friend -- i realize how simple and different she is from all the girls in the class, and maybe that's what got her the guy. Face it: make-up and a bitchy attitude just don't get you the guy. DEAL WITH IT!!!

Let me care to discuss the situation me and a former friend are going through right now.. Back when the First Term started, we were close friends and we sat together during different classes and even shared a label we both conjured. If I recall correctly, I helped this friend get to places because, being the friend that I was, it was needed (much help in MATAPRE, to be exact). And now, this friend happens to be in the Dean's List, an effort which this friend claims "was self-accomplished". That's the biggest heap of bullshit I've ever heard.

So now, what do I get from this former friend?! A cold shoulder -- yeah, that's right -- and the notion of disgust wheneverI attempt to even start a conversation with this friend. Apparently, this former friend thinks he/she is too good enough to even talk to me -- all because of what is happening to him/her right now. Yes, I gave you help -- but I never realized you did it just to take advantage of me. So, where are we right now? Well, we barely talk and I admit I can survive a day without talking to this former friend. After realizing what his/her real intentions were, I started to draw myself away because thinking about what this former friend did never ceases to piss me off each and everytime I see him/her.

I feel the animosity everytime I come inside the classroom -- and I hate it. I never realized how people can tend to be so plastic towards you when you have made yourself easily accessible to them. I offered friendship and help, but all I got was a slap in the face. Although I still have friends who are with me right now, just the thought of being exploited gets me all the time. I HATE IT!! Maybe it's my fault, I fell short of accomplishing my duties as a Block President. But one has to realize that it's a painful job having to deal with individuals who just don't give a shit on what's happening in the campus right now -- but only give a shit about getting drunk and partying all the time. Of course, there are some exceptions -- those who are labeled as "KJs" or "Losers" just because we know our priorities. You know who you are.

I admit that I have set a bad example by cutting my INTFILO and SCIMATP classes during the 4th of October.. but I realized that it wasn't all that bad when I got to spend that afternoon with my two friends who meant just as much to me as the whole block once did. At the moment, I can actually count with my two hands the number of people who I consider my friends -- and they don't even reach ten.

If you're from LR23, and you read this -- my apologies to those I have hurt. But I am just giving you a glimpse of reality. Open your eyes and see it.. and hopefully, watch it disintegrate as the months pass. Like I said in my October RantnRave, "it might prove to be an exhilarating watch."